February 2nd, 2007

writing: within this journal

What is in Dr. Nbook, anyway?

thisisthesmile asked me:

So what is in Dr. Nbook? ;D (Or, rather, I don't know if you've ever talked about this in LJ...but what made you decide to start Dr. Nbook? Why write so much, so often, and HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO IT? *totally jealous*)

Dr. Nbook is my paper journal. Here, have a picture of one through 59. (Yes, I've posted this before.) I guess a brief history is in order, some of which is covered in the first part of my scriptory autobiography. I technically started writing in Dr. Nbook when I was fifth grade. I read Harriet the Spy that year, and I decided that I wanted to be a writer just like Harriet. I also thought it would be cool to carry around a notebook and write down everything, just like Harriet did. I did just that. It was a great idea in theory, but it didn't last very long. The notebook soon made its way under my bed along with a mess of other things.

In sixth grade (7 September 1998, to be exact), I found that notebook, still cozy under my bed. I yanked it from its comfort, ripped out the old pages, and started fresh with Nbook 1, This Is Private Property. I've been writing since.

Everything goes in what is now known as Dr. Nbook, who is actually named such for Amalia's Nbook in the California Diaries series (yes, the Baby-Sitters Club spinoff), and now dubbed Dr. because of his degree in psychiatry. My everyday life, my deepest dreams, things I normally don't confide to others--everything. I pour it all out to Dr. Nbook. He's a very good listener. I write everything, even those little things that many people don't think about putting in. This probably explains some of my entries here, and why I get so annoyed when I don't have time to write. While some people collage and do artwork in their journals, I'm mostly a text person; I've found that scribbling as quickly as I can is the most effective way to pour out my feelings. I don't limit myself to Dr. Nbook, either. I've printed out LJ entries and taped them in; I've taped lists in; I've scribbled on napkins and later taped them in; I've taped or glued all sorts of things in that I've written on because Dr. Nbook wasn't with me at the time, and I had something to write down.

Dr. Nbook goes almost everywhere with me, something that nearly cost me twice my first year of high school when he got stolen twice in a year. I was nearly heartbroken. Someone had chosen to rip my best confidante from my arms, and for what reason? I still don't know. This didn't make me stop writing, though.

But why do I write in Dr. Nbook, anyway? It started as a writing exercise. After all, at the time I wanted to be a writer (actually, I still do), and the best way to improve at writing is to, well, write. No matter what I wrote, I was attempting to improve upon what I had already written. I think the first two of the last three questions in one can be answered in the same way, though. I have to. I really do. It's not a true compulsion--I've survived days without writing. When I don't write, I've found that I don't function as well. I don't write to forget, the way some people drink--I write to remember, but in a really weird way. The more I write, the more I can clear out of my memory so I can remember important-in-a-different way things, like what time I have to be at class. If I don't write things down, I usually don't remember. I want to be able to recall all these memories years from now, and I have a notoriously bad memory. Writing all of them down is a way for me to remember while concentrating on making new memories.

As for the very last question, I make time. Seriously. Sometimes I don't write every day, although I try to. My memory'll fade a lot between writing sessions, so I definitely try to write every day, even if it's some silly memory of the day or some moment that made me look twice on the way to the dining hall. Even if it's about my Internet life (yes, sometimes Dr. Nbook hears about you guys), I make sure to write something down. Last year during Nano I went a week without writing in Dr. Nbook. I wondered what had happened when I finally opened Dr. Nbook again. I was finally visiting an long-lost friend again.

I'd feel so lost if I didn't have writing.