March 12th, 2007

harry potter: don't speak his name

Much blasphemy follows. You have been warned.

So last night I cleaned out my other e-mail account after not having done so for about two months. Oops. Anyway, back when I was actually religious and into church and everything, this was the e-mail account I used, and for some reason I'm still on the mailing list, despite not having gone to church for at least a year. I deleted most of the 127 unread messages but kept one from the pastor of said church because the subject was "FW: From a strictly mathematical viewpoint". This intrigued me. Was he going to use math to bring me back to church? Considering math was what opened my eyes to different axiomatic systems whose existences we couldn't prove because they are, after all, axioms, this wasn't going to be an easy task. I opened the message anyway and laughed. Hard.

Why?

The message wasn't about math. It was really bad numerology. Here, have the e-mail.

**
From a strictly Mathematical Viewpoint:

What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 101%? What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these Questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

AND, look how far the love of God will take you

L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top! Please send this to your friends and pray for him/her who sent to you. You will be blessed.

**
*dies a little inside* Actually, I'm laughing at the absurdity of this entire situation, and the fact that if I remember correctly, numerology is evil according to the Bible too. Which is basically what this is. At least it was worth a laugh.

**
Moving on, though. (Hey, I may as well add more blasphemy to this entry.) Jeffrey loves his Spark Notes, something I assure him will not get him through life. Last night at dinner he asked me what book he should do a major works summary on for AP Lit. I listed a few books, knowing he would just read the Spark Notes anyway, and suddenly I remembered. There are Spark Notes for the Bible. (Thanks for pointing that one out, thisisthesmile.) If I ever go back to church, I should get those and take them instead of a Bible. I'd probably be screwed if they ask about one of those really obscure books that no one has ever heard of, though.

Now, for food.