May 8th, 2007

nerd heart: epsilon greater than

I'm finished!

I took my number theory final this afternoon, figuring I wouldn't get much more studying done between two and six than I had already accomplished. To prepare for the occasion and add a little humor to the event, I wore my "math is hard" shirt. But then I started to worry. I know I turned my exam envelope in on time, but did I fill it out with my name, class, et cetera? When I took my astronomy exam, the proctor didn't ask me which one I wanted to take, but luckily I did want to take my astronomy exam instead of my number theory exam.

I was second in line for my part of the alphabet to pick up my exam, and my heart was pounding. I guess listening to the Dresden Dolls before an exam isn't the best thing to do. So I took the exam--if you heard echoes of tears between two and five today, that was me, even though I didn't really break down during the exam. Wow. Normally I don't need the whole three hours for an exam, but this time I could have used more time. You can technically have more time, but academic advising takes a third of a letter grade for every...I can't remember if it's five minutes or fifteen minutes. Anyway, the fifteen-minute warning bell rang at 4:45, and I still wasn't finished. Finally I decided that I'd rather Dr. Koch dock points than academic advising, so I finished what I could, leaving everything unsimplified so at least he could see that I knew what I was doing, and sprinted downstairs to turn it in. I made it. Barely.

After that was dinner, and then back here to do laundry and pack. I started to clean out my desk, and there I found remnants of an adventure--one that, in a sense, I started to sail away on a year ago today. As I started to dig out these memories that had found their way into my desk, I stopped and remembered how they made their way there in the first place. And then I remembered those times.

Some people would have thrown them out. If I weren't such a packrat, I know the old me would have without question. But I'm a different person now. Instead, though, they're still in my desk, waiting to be packed away with everything else.

But it made me think of a year. It feels like forever, yet it feels like yesterday. Actually, it feels more like the latter than the former--since I moved into Main, since I started classes again, since I sailed away on this adventure that would take me so far from the shore that I was used to, the one whose nuances I knew so well.

And when the waves came crashing down, I knew exactly what to do. Ride the wave. It's the only way to keep going.

Now I've completely lost sight of the old shore, but that's okay. It was getting a little boring anyway. Besides, any experience that leaves you completely untouched was probably boring anyway--or you didn't react to it properly. Now, though, I'm flying, looking for a place to stay and to experience something new, even if only temporarily. Maybe I'm flying aimlessly. I don't know. I'll find my true roost one day. All I know is that this little bird has a wanderlust.

I'm going to see everything.