September 23rd, 2007

do what you love

Time doesn't seem to phase us at all

Last night I found myself putting off my assignments, so I grabbed Dr. Nbook and walked into Decatur with no idea where I would wind up. It was one of those cloudy nights, one of those nights where you'd look up in search of the stars but the search would be in vain. Nevertheless, I walked around, wondering what the night would bring to me.

But, it conspired in the beginning, that night's adventure would be in vain. I walked around the entire town, passing a jazz concert on the square. A saxophonist played a familiar tune, and my thoughts wandered to Mum and Dad and Jeffrey and Grandmother, and with a jolt I remembered that I had never called Grandmother, even though Mum told me that she had fallen a few weeks back--I've just been so busy that the thought entered my mind. Was I really that self-centered?

About half an hour later I returned to where I started, with not much more of a clue than I had earlier. Then I looked up.

The clouds were still there, but a light shone from behind them. The Moon was trying to peek out of the clouds, and it was doing a good job, too. I could hardly see the Moon itself or what phase it was in, but the light was shining through the clouds as if it were fighting to get out. I kept walking.

I found myself at the Noodle and remembered that I was hungry. I ordered a tofu dish, which would have made Renu and Stephanie proud, and I watched the night pass me by while eating on the patio.

Afterward, Java Monkey awaited. I ordered my usual hot chocolate and found a table next to the window. The show outside Java Monkey was still playing, and I could hear snippets of it along with the music inside. Then Dr. Nbook and I bonded.

And oh, did we bond. We discussed geometry and physics and the quotes on the table I was writing on about the blues (the blues that I was feeling that afternoon, perhaps?) and how maybe, just maybe, I may have taken on too much this time, and how I do bring these things on myself.

I knew my time with this Dr. Nbook was ending. Sure enough, an hour later I was writing my last sentence, capping the pen, and walking out the door.

But on the way back, I looked up. And light, light that left their host stars years ago, stared back at me. I stood in the sidewalk for several minutes, transfixed at the open sky that had once closed itself off. Do I not do the same thing, I wondered, cutting off my own mind from what it needs most? The open sky was all I needed to confirm that.

I returned to Agnes and started to design Dr. Nbook 63, My Wanderlust.

I am going to see everything.