December 7th, 2007

do what you love

LJ Idol Week Five: Sexual Ethics, or Sushi's Trying to Stay On Top of LJ Idol

I'm a virgin.

There, I said it.

I was raised in the Southern Baptist church and in the abstinence-only education system (those are scary lots, let me tell you). What with my classmates taking True Love Waits and Abstinence Works 'vows' all around and then bragging about the fantastic sex the night before, the 'vows' they took weren't all that convincing, especially when a baby popped out nine months later. Sure, the pair would claim that they were in love, but no one was convinced when the guy started dating the girl's best friend.

I went to college and began to analyze the religion that I was raised with, along with everything else I was raised to believe. Among those things was the True Love Waits movement in the church, as I had encountered quite a few people with those True Love Waits rings. I always thought they were tacky, but wearing those rings was their choice, not mine. Instead, I did some thinking.

True Love Waits. Of course, in this movement, True Love=Marriage. But there are a lot of loveless marriages, and there are certainly relationships full of love in which there isn't a marriage, perhaps because they are not allowed by law to marry or because they don't choose to marry. Equating true love to marriage just isn't logical, especially when you're eighteen and against the idea of marriage as I was at the time.

With that moment of Earth Logic, I slammed down the first wall of what I grew up with and began to build an entire new belief system. The notion of waiting for true love before sex, I realized, was perfectly logical, as long as true love was in fact true love.

Not only that, though, I want a long-term relationship before sex. Not necessarily marriage, but I want stability. I want to know that I'm not going to be used for sexual purposes alone, that I'm not going to be dumped to the curb the next day, wondering why this shadow of someone I once knew used me.

There's a slight problem, though. My relationship record is extremely erratic at best. I have extremely high standards for significant others, making it difficult to find one who likes me as well. As a result, I've dated a few times, but never long-term; maintaining a long-term relationship has been near-impossible for me so far. I usually grow bored in relationships after a few months. I'm typically the one who dumps the other to the curb (except last time, but that's an experimental error another story).

Choice, circumstances, I have to thank you. Maybe one day you'll align properly. I'm not in a huge hurry, though.

This entry was written for therealljidol. If you enjoyed it, go vote for it! (That's what she said!)
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