July 19th, 2009

physics: resistance is futile

Clealry I go to the bathroom only to shower, right? RIGHT?

My mother is something else.

After I ate dinner, I went to take a shower. Before said shower, I had to go to the bathroom. There was pooping involved, so I used the toilet. Today the poop was a little stubborn in coming out. So I sat there, read the backs of some bottles, and while I was doing so, my mum said, "Huh, Sujin said she was going to take a shower."

I yelled back (partly as a joke, partly seriously), "I'm constipated! I'm pooooping!" Some poop came out, and I reyelled my poop cry.

Mum said, "You should take some fiber pills. Or the stuff that you mix in water."

I said, "I've taken Metamucil. I remember what that tastes like."

"Well, this doesn't taste like anything," she said. Riiiight.

She kept trying to convince me to start taking some of the fiber water every day, even saying she'd mix it in my food and I'd NEVER KNOW, and I kept yelling back every time a poop fell into the toilet.

"Come out here and I'll show you," she told me.

"I'm naked and about to take a shower," I told her. I ignored her and went to take a shower. Sure enough, as soon as I got in the shower, she told me to come out there and try out the fiber water. "I'm in the shower la la la," I replied.

The shower went as usual, and as soon as I got out Mum said "When you're done come out here." I deposited my dirty clothes and returned to the kitchen. The glass of water that I left out there after dinner was still there, but there was water in it.

"Drink that glass of water," Mum said.

"Ummm, what is that?" I asked.

"Just water," Mum replied in a faux-innocent voice. I knew what she was up to.

"How am I supposed to know that?"

She was definitely up to something, so I sniffed the inside of the glass. Nothing. "How am I supposed to know that this isn't fiber water?" I asked her.

"Just drink it," she said.

I sighed and took a sip. It tasted unusually watery. "Go on, drink all of it," she said. "You need to take some every day for fiber."

I really did facepalm then. "It was a JOKE," I told her. "A JOKE. I didn't expect you to take it so seriously." She then started to ask how I would get more fiber, and I started listing things. "Oh, I dunno, cereal, get wheat bread instead of that white crap you like to eat, oatmeal, la la la."

I left the rest of the glass aside and started to go back to my room.

"Drink the rest of that," she said. I told her I'd drink it later, and she told me not to pour it out. I nodded and finally went back to my room.

Oh, parents.