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Loss of innocence and secrets

I turned in the draft of my final FYS paper last night--early, in fact. Sure, it was 60 words short, but I'm still adding stuff like crazy. I just needed something to turn in.

**
Today I saw white clover flowers outside the science building. I don't know why this struck me so suddenly, but it reminded me of my childhood, of those days of innocence. When I was little, I used to pick those flowers and give them to Mum or Grandmother, and they would keep them until they died. Maybe they still have them; I don't know. I had fun with those back in the days of innocence. I would link them together and put them in my hair; I could make such elaborate things with the clover flowers. The saddest days were when Mum or Dad would mow the lawn; then the clover flowers would be gone, and I would have to wait several days until they grew back, and I could have that kind of fun again.

When I saw them today, I thought of the innocence that I had lost over time. No longer was the worst thing in the world something as mundane as lawn-mowing day or not being the first to use your new pack of crayons. No, there are much worse things in this world, things that can scar you for life, no matter how hard you keep them from doing so.

Then there are the secrets that we keep, the ones that we would love to tell but are afraid to. The loss of innocence keeps us from telling everyone about this; after all, we do begin to build that social filter around the school age, and we keep more and more from the world. Even that which is--or may be--beneficial to others is locked away in one's own heart. How long, though? Possibly forever if one doesn't take the opportunity to tell.

Once I didn't take the opportunity to tell a secret, one that could have been beneficial. I regretted it for a time afterward, but a few select others guessed it over time. Could I tell now, you ask? No, I can't, because it's no longer true. The passing of time has forced the secret to erode against the edges of my heart until it was no longer there. This same passing of time has caused new secrets to be placed upon my heart.

Well, what about now? When are you going to tell what is on your heart now?

I shall tell when and if the opportunity presents itself. First, though, I need to think rationally and make sure that I'm not losing my head over a silly pursuit. Rest easy, heart. I won't let you down.

**
Oh, and I stole this from QS and Nell: If there is someone on your Friends List who makes your world a better place just because that person exists and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the Internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

That's right. All of you make my friends list and my world a better place to be.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
moonglade_swan
Apr. 18th, 2006 01:54 am (UTC)
I still hate it when people mow the lawn and the flowers are gone.

I heart wildflowers.

Growing up sucks sometimes. I wish I could go back in time....
sushimustwrite
Apr. 18th, 2006 02:00 am (UTC)
Growing up does suck at times, especially when we have to face reality. Actually, time traveling does sound nice occasionally. However, I'd probably be a bit straightforward to my past self.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )