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Why do I want an A?

Dr. Koch just put up a "What do I need?" calculator so we can calculate what we need on the final to get x grade. I have a 91 (actually, 91.6666...) in the class right now. After sticking my 91 in the calculator, I need a 96 on the final to get an A in the class.

With my track record at basic arithmetic, this is not going to happen.

However, I need an 86 for an A-minus and a 76 for a B-plus. The A-minus is more likely to happen, but I'm still going for the A. How long was it since I had an A in math? Oh yeah... last spring. Still, I kind of miss seeing those As on my record; they give me a sense of self-satisfaction.

That just made me sound extremely shallow. Unfortunately, it's true. See, I used to be a straight-A student, not that it's special or anything. I was the kid everyone else compared their grades to because they wanted to see if I didn't get a perfect score on that assignment. I would hide my grades or say that I did fine, but they would find out solely for comparison purposes.

This stereotype continued, even after Polly, a friend of mine who would later become valedictorian of my class, moved to my high school. [We had already met before that, but that's a story of its own.] In honors geography our freshman year, the reaction from others? "Wow, she's another Sujin." And I thought, "What does being 'another Sujin' have to do with anything?" Despite the fact that people got us mixed up even though we don't look much alike [jokes aside, she's Korean, and I'm a half-blood], and we certainly don't act alike, we were at the top of our class and had fun while we were at it.

Then I made a B. Ironically, it was in math, and I knew this B surrounded by three As was going to happen before it did. Instead of bursting into tears like I was expecting, I felt relief; I felt that I could live again.

Now I'm facing a similar situation, only with multivariable. I just received the final exam today. It's graded out of 110 points, which is good. However, I've peeked at the problems. I'll be taking my linear final on Friday so I can devote my time to everything else due on the tenth. Perhaps I want the A just because of the self-satisfaction, but I also want it to prove something to myself--that anyone can do what she wants if she just tries. After all, I'm in math because I love it, not because I'm good at it.

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Only six more months until Nanowrimo begins! Yay!

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
moonglade_swan
May. 2nd, 2006 01:35 pm (UTC)
Nothing wrong with wanting an A. A's provide a sense of accomplishment that B's just cannot provide.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )