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I'm a virgin.

There, I said it.

I was raised in the Southern Baptist church and in the abstinence-only education system (those are scary lots, let me tell you). What with my classmates taking True Love Waits and Abstinence Works 'vows' all around and then bragging about the fantastic sex the night before, the 'vows' they took weren't all that convincing, especially when a baby popped out nine months later. Sure, the pair would claim that they were in love, but no one was convinced when the guy started dating the girl's best friend.

I went to college and began to analyze the religion that I was raised with, along with everything else I was raised to believe. Among those things was the True Love Waits movement in the church, as I had encountered quite a few people with those True Love Waits rings. I always thought they were tacky, but wearing those rings was their choice, not mine. Instead, I did some thinking.

True Love Waits. Of course, in this movement, True Love=Marriage. But there are a lot of loveless marriages, and there are certainly relationships full of love in which there isn't a marriage, perhaps because they are not allowed by law to marry or because they don't choose to marry. Equating true love to marriage just isn't logical, especially when you're eighteen and against the idea of marriage as I was at the time.

With that moment of Earth Logic, I slammed down the first wall of what I grew up with and began to build an entire new belief system. The notion of waiting for true love before sex, I realized, was perfectly logical, as long as true love was in fact true love.

Not only that, though, I want a long-term relationship before sex. Not necessarily marriage, but I want stability. I want to know that I'm not going to be used for sexual purposes alone, that I'm not going to be dumped to the curb the next day, wondering why this shadow of someone I once knew used me.

There's a slight problem, though. My relationship record is extremely erratic at best. I have extremely high standards for significant others, making it difficult to find one who likes me as well. As a result, I've dated a few times, but never long-term; maintaining a long-term relationship has been near-impossible for me so far. I usually grow bored in relationships after a few months. I'm typically the one who dumps the other to the curb (except last time, but that's an experimental error another story).

Choice, circumstances, I have to thank you. Maybe one day you'll align properly. I'm not in a huge hurry, though.

This entry was written for therealljidol. If you enjoyed it, go vote for it! (That's what she said!)



( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 7th, 2007 02:16 pm (UTC)
good job! great points and a nice journey through your evolution...
Dec. 7th, 2007 02:17 pm (UTC)
I like your stand. It's very different than my own but it isn't knee-jerk rhetoric following. Good for you for standing up for what you believe!
Dec. 7th, 2007 02:40 pm (UTC)
I waited for ten months before I let my bf go all teh way with me, and it was a really good decision. We're happy, healthy (mostly) and in love, still. Most likely will be for a really long time to come.
Dec. 7th, 2007 05:09 pm (UTC)
Personally? I gave up my virginity when I was just a month or so shy of 23. Not from any high-sounding morals, but simply because I wasn't ever interested in it before that point. Then, when I got interested, I found a guy who was 1. older and 2. experienced, to teach me what I wanted to know. I was dumb enough to also fall in love with him, so not only was he the first person I had sex with, but broke my heart in the process.

But after that? I've experimented, had some casual sex, had some intensely emotionally connected sex, and several things between the two. And I've found the best sex? Has more to do with where my mind is than who I'm with. If I'm really into it, it will be at least good, no matter how skilled my partner is. If I'm not so much into it, even the most experienced/skilled person won't be able to make me enjoy it.

I think as a whole, our society places too much emphasis on sex being some great mysterious thing. It's not. It's wet and a bit gross and tender and purely animal. It's something that should be approached when you're ready for it; not forced upon you. People shouldn't feel derided because they haven't had it yet, any more than they should for never having written a novel, or for never having eaten sushi. They're all experiences, and you have to take them only once you're ready, or you won't enjoy it at all, or not as much as you otherwise would.

So, essentially.. this is my long way of saying, It's okay to be a virgin. It's okay to not be. When things fall into place for you, it will be so much better.
Dec. 7th, 2007 06:23 pm (UTC)
It can be very worth it to wait. My own personal reasons were like yours- choice and circumstance just took a long time to meet up properly. But they eventually did. ;)
Dec. 7th, 2007 06:45 pm (UTC)
awesome entry -- you definitely have my vote!
Dec. 8th, 2007 12:01 am (UTC)
thank you for sharing!
Dec. 8th, 2007 12:25 pm (UTC)
Amen sister!
Dec. 8th, 2007 06:09 pm (UTC)
I agree with what you're saying. I don't think people should have to be married to have sex, but yes, there should be love and a commitment to each other. And I respect you for having high standards, so don't let people convince you that you should date just anyone. That being said, it never hurts to give people a chance, but having high standards is better in the long run, I think. You have plenty of time to find people to date who will be a good match for you.
Dec. 8th, 2007 07:18 pm (UTC)
I'm not in a huge hurry, though.

No reason to be.
Dec. 10th, 2007 12:07 am (UTC)
I've never had sex with anyone I hadn't date for at least six months.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )