In which the worlds of Squidward Tentacles and Julius Caesar collide (no, I'm not kidding)
The premise: Squidward has traveled into the past à la SB-129 and finds himself in the era of Julius Caesar (the Shakespearean version).
The standard fanfic-ish disclaimer: This was a high school assignment. Do you think I had copyright violation in mind?
There's no date on this paper, but it was written sometime in Fall 2002.
(A clarinet is playing in the background. It suddenly stops.)
Squidward Tentacles: I'm finally away from that yellow headache! Now I can just sit here and play my clarinet all day long. (starts to play)
Julius Caesar (noticing Squidward): That was supposed to be a trumpet, not a dying animal.
Squidward: And who do you think you are, interrupting this clarinet player who is about to make a dying animal out of you?
Caesar: I know that I am Julius Caesar, ruler of Rome. I thrice refused the crown, and you very well may be my next meal. You know, squid is considered a delicacy to us. You are a squid, no?
Squidward: Yes, but--
Caesar: No more. We are having a feast today to celebrate my latest conquest. Do you wish to become a part of that feast and join us?
Squidward: Yes. I mean, no--I mean--
Caesar: Very well.
(Flourish. Caesar leaves. Clarinet music resumes.)
(Clarinet music intensely playing in background)
Caesar: That is odd. Thunder booms, but no lightning strikes. Whatever could it be?
(Caesar walks outside and sees Squidward, clarinet in hand)
Caesar: The dying animal again. How long does it take for this animal to die?
Squidward: How long does it take people to appreciate the real beauty of the clarinet?
(Squidward plays "Mary Had a Little Lamb" off-key)
Caesar: The thunder again. Servant, tell the priests to offer a sacrifice.
Caesar: And you!
Squidward: You're almost as bad as that yellow headache! Where's that time machine?
(Squidward leaves. Caesar runs back inside.)
It's... strange, I know.
Another interesting thing to point out is that we read a story that year called Harrison Bergeron by Kurt Vonnegut, and we also put on a short play of the story. I was one of three people who wrote the adapted play, and the entire class put on said play. Looking at my copy of the story now and where I marked up what I changed for the play, a lot of those changes were naive, and I would do a lot of these changes differently now. Of course, now I've written two screenplays and am thinking about a stage play, so experience always helps there.