Interviewer: Tell me a little about yourself and tell me why you should be Sushi's Next Dr. Nbook.
Candidate One: I'm bright red, and Sushi likes red. I also have a very classic design, so I won't embarrass Sushi when she goes out in public with me. People can assume I'm just a day planner. My lines are just the right size for her: not too big, not too small. The splash of green on the page is just enough color for Sushi, but not so much decoration that she'll try to plan her words to avoid writing over the green. I also have a convenient ribbon so she can mark her place. I'll help Sushi keep a record of her thoughts while looking classy.
Candidate Two: I'm also bright red. What a funny coincidence. I bring more personality to the table with my picture of a really old globe on my hard cover--you know how Sushi likes cool-looking but understated things. The cover says PASSAGES, and the overall message appeals to her inner geography nut. My lines are just the perfect size, and I don't bother with the decorative nonsense. I just have inspirational quotes every few pages so Sushi can write about them if she gets stuck or bored. I also have an elastic band on the back so she can keep me shut when she needs to. Sushi can show her personality with me, and we all know that's important to her.
Candidate Three: I'm black and red and hardcover--mostly black, though, with red trim. I'm also chock full of personality, just like Sushi. My lines are perfect, and my paper doesn't mess with extraneous quotes or decoration. In fact, we leave the fun stuff in the front of back cover, and it's full of fun stuff Sushi loves: calendars for 2009, 2010, AND 2011, a place to put in contact information and other important things, the world time zones, a bigger map of the time zones and major cities of the US and lower Canada, conversion tables, paper and envelope sizes for the US and Europe, and--are you ready for this?--subway maps for New York City, Chicago, and Washington, D.C. I'll help Sushi look classic and prepared, and with my ribbon, she won't have to search for her place.
(Candidate Two turns redder here, for it has no ribbon. It joins Candidate One in fidgeting. They have no maps or conversions. Candidate Five looks nonplussed.)
Candidate Four: I appeal to Sushi's geek. Not only is my padded cover a classic genuine leather black, but my insides are filled with 192 pages of graph paper for Sushi to geek out on. And she can geek out everywhere inside me; there's nothing in the way to stop her. Thanks to the size of my lines, she can be flexible in how large she writes; she doesn't have to restrain herself to one line if she doesn't want to; in fact, she probably won't given how big she writes. I even have a ribbon for keeping her geeky place in place. I'll give Sushi all the space she needs for all her geeky desire while remaining genuine and classic.
(Everyone turns to Candidate Five.)
Candidate Five: Everyone knows me. I'm a Moleskine. Large sketchbook, no lines for Sushi's writing pleasure, an elastic band and a ribbon. My story's in my expandable inner pocket--did I mention I have one of those? I also provide great pleasure for fountain pens like hers. My paper is also acid-free, which is very important for preserving a journaling history like Sushi's. Geniuses like Hemingway, Picasso, and Chatwin have used me, so naturally Sushi should be next.
(Everyone turns to face the Interviewer.)
Interviewer: Thanks a lot, everyone. Now give me your biggest strength in one sentence.
One: My ability to bring out my personality while still looking professional.
Two: My ability to express myself in a way Sushi deems desirable.
Three: My wealth of information.
Four: My ability to please Sushi with something she has never found before while remaining genuine.
Five: My time-tested ability to remain a classic.
Interviewer: Same thing, but with weaknesses.
One: Sushi might not want to write on the green.
Two: People may judge Sushi in some settings when I'm with her.
Three: My name has an incorrect apostrophe on the cover, but I make up for it.
Four: My lines may drive her nuts at first.
Five: Actually, Sushi might not like my lack of lines at times.
(The Interviewer unrolls a scroll.)
Interviewer: I have to read you this, and you have to understand what you're getting into before you can be considered. Do you understand that being a Dr. Nbook is a 24/7 job until you are completed and you cannot quit until the job is complete unless you are damaged beyond repair? (Everyone stares) By this I mean only one has gotten that wet, and Sushi saved it. (Everyone nods) Do you understand that you will be inaugurated as a Dr. Nbook and will maintain a position as a former Dr. Nbook even after completion? (Everyone nods) Do you understand that you will wear your title with pride, along with the title and number you obtain? (Everyone nods)
Interviewer: Excellent. We'll take questions one on one, and I'll let you know if you're selected. Over and out!