Sushi (sushimustwrite) wrote,
Sushi
sushimustwrite

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The Aftertaste

This entry is from my old Diaryland account, dated 2 April 2002.

Now that I know sushi leaves a bad aftertaste, am I like that, too? Does my nickname reflect some aspect of my personality? Maybe it does. Maybe that is what composes my Antisocial side. People meet me, and at first I seem like a perfectly nice person. A sweetie, even. (Aww...) But later people find out that I'm "smart" and that I love to write and that I don't really trust people. Ewww...aftertaste! So they ditch me. I remember my futile attempts to make new friends in elementary school. Since I was usually the outsider even then, I tried to become friends with the new kids. I mean, it seems easier than befriending these people who are already settled in their cliques and don't want any "uncool" people there. I would invite them to sit by me at lunch or something simple like that. Fine, they would take me up on the invitation...for a few days. But if they had that "popular potential", and if the popular people saw it...well, if the populars spoke up, I was considered ditched. Again.

Until they're stuck on some sort of problem in class and they call me over there to help them. *Ancient Greek: What's the answer to number eight? I don't know what they're going to do when I'm not around to give them answers.* Plus, they don't think I'm bright enough to figure that part out. Ah, but I am. I played stupid even back then, just not as obviously and/or openly.

And how did I know that??

It's the same way as analysing *I love how the British spell* a piece of literature: taking it apart and looking at each individual element. It's like the English teachers teach. (Especially Mrs. C1, but trust me--she has helped me a lot!) It's application. How can I use this in real life, outside the classroom? The words and actions of others are just yet another piece of literature--but whether they're written down or not depends on you. They could be considered as just that, simply because someone can write them down.

The following is a commentary of the above entry, written today.

In a way, I'm still like this. Most people either love me or despise me, and first impressions last. Why, you ask? I'm a rather odd person. I'm not as into popular culture items as most people are. Instead, I can talk for hours about things like math and languages and the like, things that can get me on trivia shows but never in a popularity contest.

I didn't care as much in high school as I did in middle school, though. Why? In middle school (okay, part of sixth grade and most of seventh grade) I had a huge crush on this guy named Dustin. He was the type of guy nobody thought I'd be into--after all, I was one of the smart kids, and he was in trouble every week. Once I got to know him, though, he was a really sweet guy, although he was going out with someone else. Another girl who also liked him once told me, "He'll like you but not me." I was shocked. Granted, this girl wasn't popular--she was just, well, ordinary. But then she replied, "Well, you're smart." I almost laughed. The very thing that scared so many people off seemed to be a merit.

That conversation taught me a lesson, though. Do what you love, and love will come. Just live.

And so far (although Dustin is far out of the picture now), the first part has been working. We'll see about the second.

1Mrs. C was my ninth grade honours English teacher--wonderful teacher and even better person. She had these tigers on her desk that I would take care of, even giving them little "assignments", and she had a slinky on her desk that I would play with in class and she wouldn't get on to me like most teachers would because I still paid attention and got great grades. One time she kept telling us to think outside the box, and she had a box right next to her. After class that day I took a picture of her with the box on her head. It was hilarious.
Tags: old entries, tail, thoughts
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