Sushi (sushimustwrite) wrote,

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Time and change, life and time

Not even two weeks before I go back to Agnes. This time of year means several things.

First, it means the end-of-summer cleaning that I give my room before I leave so I can return for the holidays to a clean room. Yes, I know I gave my room a major cleaning at the beginning of the summer. The end of the summer calls for one as well since I don't pay as much attention to the goings-on of my room during the summer. I'm usually neat (sometimes compulsively so), but the main messy area of my room is my desk. For a writer who is easily distracted, this is not a good thing, especially since many of my main distractions are kept here. However, eventually even I have to dig for stuff (today I had to dig for a roll of tape), which means it's time to clean. This cleaning will continue over the next week or so.

Second, it means that I have to dig out all the stuff I need for Agnes that I didn't use over the summer and pack them. This, at least, I can begin right away, for I use different towels and bedspreads here. I should also start digging out the breakables that I'm planning on packing so I can cushion them with the towels and spreads.

Third... Around this time of year I always find myself making goals for the upcoming year. In past years these have included making x grade in y class, making new friends, joining a new club (or seven), attempting to be more sociable, or taking risks. Just about every year, without fail, I declare that year to be the year that I will change myself for the better, yet I remain the same. Why does this happen? Do people not expect change from me, instead expecting the same stability that they've gotten to know over time? Do they fear change, instead pushing me to the wall of sameness?

Then I remember. They can't affect my change. Certainly they can influence it to an extent; after all, we are affected by those we choose to grace with our presence. However, they don't have final control over our decisions. Only we can choose to change ourselves. I just haven't been trying hard enough all these years.

Only with time shall change come. Is this true? We shall see.

P.S. Thank you, draft-saver! I accidentally clicked one of those bottom links instead of update, and the draft saved it! Yay!
Tags: life, thoughts
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